Divorce is typically very difficult for the spouses involved. If they have children, their kids may struggle as well. Frequently, the divorce of parents is the first real trauma that children ever experience. It can affect their sense of self and destabilize their understanding of the world.
Children withdraw from friendships and other relationships when their parents divorce. Their academic performance can slump. They may even develop physical and mental health conditions because of the stress that they experience.
The three tips below may help parents reduce the negative impact that their divorce can have on their children.
1. Keep life as stable as possible
Part of what makes divorce so difficult is that it alters the children’s living arrangements, social support networks and regular schedule. Whenever possible, parents should try to keep things as predictable and stable as they can.
Keeping the children at the same school and in the same home can be valuable. So can prioritizing the maintenance of their friendships and extended family relationships. When children can still rely on the same people and their daily lives remain largely the same, they have the support and structure they need to process the stress of the divorce.
2. Avoid involving the children in disputes
People have a natural tendency to want everyone on their side in a disagreement. That can be very destructive for the children in a divorce situation. When they feel like they have to choose between their parents, the pressure they experience can damage them mentally. It can also irrevocably change both of their parental relationships.
Parents should avoid putting their children in the middle. They should not use their children as messengers or force them to take sides. They should also avoid getting into arguments or fights right in front of the children. The less conflict the children witness, the easier it is for them to heal.
3. Secure outside support
There are many resources available for children coming to terms with the divorce of their parents. If they already belong to a church, the pastor or minister could potentially provide counseling services. There might be local support groups for children whose parents divorce where they can talk about their feelings with others going through the exact same thing.
Counseling can also be a valuable option. One-on-one counseling for each child or family sessions where everyone talks together can be helpful. Parents may also want to encourage participation in extracurricular activities and various forms of artistic expression.
Trying to keep the focus on the children during a divorce can minimize the harm that the family change may cause for them. Parents who work together for the benefit of their children can help protect them from the various negative outcomes associated with parental divorce.