Going through a divorce under any circumstances can make anyone feel helpless at times. If the divorce wasn’t your idea or if the relationship with your soon-to-be ex is extremely contentious, you might feel that way more often than not.
Feeling helpless can lead to bad decision-making and difficulty asserting your rights and working toward the outcomes that are best for you. That’s why it’s critical to do things that will help you feel empowered. Let’s look at just a few.
Limit your contact with your spouse
If you’re in a high-conflict divorce, it’s generally best to minimize your contact (at least without your legal representative present) with your husband or wife. It’s probably not going to be productive, and it could lead you to say or do things that could be used against you.
Avoid in-person and phone conversations whenever possible. Communicating through email, text and co-parenting apps can give you some distance as well as time to think about what you say and how you process what they say. Keep these communications, as you never know when you may need them as evidence or simply confirmation of something you agreed on.
Maintain boundaries and consistency
If your spouse has manipulative tendencies, they may suddenly turn on the charm or become the person you knew when you first met. They may do that to get what they want if being antagonistic doesn’t work, or just to throw you off balance.
It’s crucial to maintain your boundaries and to remain consistent in your own behavior. Don’t start sharing things or admitting to insecurities just because your spouse suddenly seems approachable. Again, these things can be used against you.
It’s smart to remain as consistent as possible in your tone, words and actions, regardless of theirs. If they don’t seem to be able to manipulate your emotions, they may spend less time trying to do that.
Get the professional support you need
If you don’t already have a therapist, it can help to get one. Many mental health professionals specialize in guiding people who are going through divorce. Having someone to talk over the challenges with can help you find your own voice and look at the situation from a clearer perspective.
Having experienced legal guidance can be critical to working toward the agreements that will allow you to transition to post-divorce life on sound financial and emotional ground. The choice of a legal representative is one of the most important ones you’ll make.