Communicating well as coparents makes things simpler for you and your children. Unfortunately, divorce often has the effect of making communication much harder.
If your children are still under 18, then finding ways to communicate as co-parents that won’t raise the temperature is essential. Hence, you might believe the simple answer is to pass messages via your child. After all, your child gets on with you and their other parent, so what could the problem be?
Confused messages and exposure to tension
Say you have a ten-year-old son. He has a head full of things he needs to remember for school, and now he needs to remember what it was you wanted him to tell his other parent. Did you say it was this Tuesday that you couldn’t pick him up from school, or was it next Tuesday? Maybe it was Thursday. The results of their getting the message wrong would likely be the child left standing at the school gates, and you and their other parent arguing over the phone, followed by your child feeling awful because they were the ones who said the wrong day. Why risk it?
Let’s say your co-parent calls to say they can no longer take your child on the day you had planned to go out with friends. They say they have to work and cannot get out of it. Even if you reply with restraint and the utmost courtesy, you’ll likely still be upset. You might even suspect it’s all a lie and they are just trying annoy you.
Now, imagine you hear that message via your child. Do you honestly think your child won’t pick up on some of those angry vibes emanating from you? They might think it is something they said or did that you are upset about.
There are many ways for co-parents to communicate that do not involve using the children. You can even incorporate language in your parenting plan about how the two of you will communicate in ways that don’t involve including your child. Having experienced legal guidance will help.