Divorce is notorious for causing emotional disruption for children. While parents can’t eliminate emotional reactions to divorce, they can take steps to protect their children from the most damaging aspects of divorce.
The right approach to divorce can benefit minor children. How can parents more effectively support their children during divorce?
1. Keep conflict private
Research into the mental health of children of divorced parents is clear. The more conflict the children witness, the greater their risk of long-term emotional, social and academic setbacks. Conflict is all but inevitable when parents divorce, but the children do not need to witness it. Discuss the divorce when the children are not present. Even phone calls made to attorneys and friends when the children are at home could lead to them overhearing and feeling stressed.
2. Set custody terms cooperatively
Litigating custody tends to intensify conflict between parents. It also frequently puts the children in a difficult position. They may need to provide their preferences as part of the custody litigation process. Children who feel like they must choose between their parents may struggle intensely with that conversation and its aftermath. When parents settle custody matters, the children may not play any direct role whatsoever.
3. Keep rules and standards consistent
Children of all ages and backgrounds benefit when they understand what their parents expect of them. When household rules, curfews and academic expectations are consistent, children may have a much easier time adjusting to life after their parents’ divorce.
Recognizing that divorces involving children require special consideration can help parents protect their kids. Parents who prioritize their children in all major decisions can generally shield them from the worst consequences of divorce.